“Where have your bubbles gone?” asked one of my business partners in 2003. I was stopped in my tracks. He explained that I appeared to have lost my enthusiasm for work and suggested that I undertake some coaching sessions. I do not need “fixing”, I thought. At the time, I had been a partner for 3 years, was successfully building a portfolio of clients, and raising a young family. In my eyes, I was successful, albeit busy and tired. I was upset that somebody thought I was no longer enjoying my work, and upon reflection recognized that my life was out of balance. So, I decided to give coaching a try. What did I have to lose but time?

Below, I explore how my attitude to both finding balance and coaching has shifted since I “lost my bubbles” in 2003. Moreover, I consider how a business coach can work with a client to find work life balance.

My Story

After the conversation in 2003, I signed up for six coaching sessions with “Gemma”. I had never been coached before and I was apprehensive, although I told myself to keep an open mind. We did several different exercises, which included some psychometric tests (Myers Briggs and Birkman).[1] At the end of one session, Gemma asked me to go home and draw a picture of how I saw myself. I disliked this exercise. In fact, I asked my six year old daughter to draw the picture for me. So, Gemma and I spent a session discussing how I saw myself as a mermaid! Although the drawing exercise was out of my comfort zone, it helped me understand how I wanted to be seen by others and how I saw myself.

By the end of my sessions, I knew that I wanted to be seen as an expert in my chosen area of specialisation. This gave me focus and renewed motivation with which I was able to create a plan to build my personal brand. A crucial aspect of this was ruthlessly working out what I wanted to spend my time on, which was ultimately a conduit to achieving balance. I was converted to coaching! I learned that coaching was not about “fixing” me, which is a common misconception, it was about helping me to be my best.

Nevertheless, I do not always get it right. My wellbeing has suffered from time-totime when things have gone off balance, and I lost focus. In these moments I return to my notes from the 2003 coaching sessions and ask myself, what do I need to adjust to get the balance and my “bubbles” back? It is in these moments of being off balance that I am able to reflect and reassess. This enabled my personal brand to grow from being seen as an expert in my field in 2003 to becoming a positive role model and leader in 2022. Balance and focus are not fixed, and as I start my own coaching and consulting practice my personal brand will develop again.  

What is balance?

Bruce Peltier’s book, The Psychology of Executive Coaching,[2] reminded me of the “lost bubbles” conversation. Peltier theorises that highly successful people are driven, focused and single-minded in their dedication to their craft. Peltier states that one must “consciously choose one or the other (single-mindedness or a balanced life) and remember that you made that choice.”[3] Furthermore, he asserts that the role of a coach is to stimulate clarity.[4]

I disagree with Peltier’s proposition regarding being single-minded or having balance. Based upon my own experience, I believe that it is only possible to be highly successful over a sustained period if an individual has balance in their life. This view is supported by Ryan Holliday in his book Stillness is the Key,[5] whereby Holliday reviews strategies for modern life. In his introductory chapter Holliday states “which is why the idea of stillness is not some soft New Age nonsense or the domain of monks and sages, but in fact desperately necessary to us all... It is an attainable path to enlightenment and excellence, greatness and happiness, performance as well as presence, for every kind of person”.[6]

So, what is balance and why is it important? My favourite definition is by the Mental Health Foundation who state that “a healthy work life balance is making sure that you feel fulfilled and content in both areas of your life”.[7] The split between “work” and “life” inherently varies between individuals and is ultimately a matter of personal preference.

Regardless, according to the Mental Health Foundation the pressure of an increasingly demanding work culture is one of the biggest challenges to society’s mental health. According to the charity MIND, approximately 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year, with approximately 70 million workdays lost per year due to mental health problems.[8] Consequently, mental health is at the top of many employers’ agenda, and thus finding balance is becoming increasingly important. The recent Covid-19 pandemic could be a game changer in this regard. It showed many of us that working from home is indeed possible. Working flexibly is now a requirement of many and should help individuals find balance more easily going forwards.

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My favourite definition of balance is by the Mental Health Foundation who state that “a healthy work life balance is making sure that you feel fulfilled and content in both areas of your life”.

Balance and business coaching

My experience from 2003 shows that a business coach can help an individual with finding balance. This view is supported by Jenny Rogers in her book, Coaching Skills. [9] One of Rogers’ six foundation principles of coaching, Principle 3, is that coaching addresses the whole person – past, present and future.[10] Rogers states that in her experience difficulties in the professional lives of clients are usually paralleled by difficulties in their personal lives.

Inspired by my 2003 coaching sessions, during my coaching sessions with my practice clients and throughout my Meyler Campbell studies, I have developed a framework, that aim to help individuals find balance. The framework is called “FEEL” which stands for Focus, Excel, Energise and Lead. In the table below, I list some exercises that could be used for each element. These exercises are not exhaustive and my framework is still being developed. Additionally, “FEEL” is a framework, it does not have to be used in chronological order and not all exercises are essential for each client. For example, my practice clients have responded especially well to mind mapping with regards to finding balance.

Ultimately, I agree with Rogers that it is necessary to consider a client’s life holistically in order to work with the client as effectively as possible, particularly to help them find balance.[21]

Inspired by my 2003 coaching sessions, during my coaching sessions with my practice clients and throughout my Meyler Campbell studies, I have developed a framework, that aim to help individuals find balance. The framework is called “FEEL” which stands for Focus, Excel, Energise and Lead

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FEEL

Focus

What is your personal brand/mission statement?

What is your purpose?[11]

What do you want to be famous for?

How do you spend your time?

Mind mapping [12]

Eisenhower's Matrix [13]

Personal hedgehog [14] or Ikigai [15]

Postcard from the future.

EXCEL

What do you need to truly excel based on your personal mission statement?

How to say no/have difficult conversations.

Strengths exercises [16]

Career anchors [17]

Can do/Can't do - Like to do/Don't like to do

ENERGISE

What do you do when you're at your best?

Hogan psychometric tool [18]

Dan Cable's book - Exceptional [19]

How do you energise yourself and others?

LEAD

Role models - traits, both positive and negative

What does a good leader look like and do?

Feedback Gap analysis Leadership/team psychometrics [20]

Conclusion

“Where have your bubbles gone?” has stuck with me for nearly 20 years. At the time, I was not showing my usual energy and enthusiasm at work. Subsequently, I have learnt that coaching is not for somebody who needs “fixing”. Coaching should be seen as personal training for the mind. It can help an individual build resilience, see things more clearly, and with the right framework find balance. Coaching helps individuals become the best that they can be and achieve their potential. I hope to help my clients find their balance through developing my framework: Focus, Excel, Energise and Lead - FEEL.

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[1] Myers Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI): see www.myersbriggs.org and Birkman Signature (in 2003 Birkman Advanced): see www.birkman.com

[2] Peltier, B (2010) The Psychology of Executive Coaching Theory and Application. 2nd edition, Routledge

[3] Peltier, B (2010) The Psychology of Executive Coaching Theory and Application. 2nd edition, p244, Routledge

[4] Peltier, B (2010) The Psychology of Executive Coaching Theory and Application. 2nd edition, p244, Routledge

[5] Holliday, R (2019) Stillness is the Key An Ancient Strategy for Modern Life. 1st edition, Profile Books

[6] Holliday, R (2019) Stillness is the Key An Ancient Strategy for Modern Life. 1st edition, p2, Profile Books

[7] www.mentalhealth.co.uk Work life balance

[8] www.MIND.org.uk Mental health facts and statistics and www.mentalhealth.org.uk. Mental health in the workplace

[9] Rogers, J (2016) Coaching Skills, The definitive guide to being a coach. 4th edition, McGraw-Hill Education Open University Press

[10] Rogers, J (2016) Coaching Skills, The definitive guide to being a coach. 4th edition, p8, McGraw-Hill Education Open University Press

[11] Meyler Campbell Masterclass: Coaching For Purpose with Sally Osman. Attended 7 June 2022

[12] Buzan, T (2018) Mind Map Mastery The Complete Guide to Learning and Using the Most Powerful Thinking Tool in the Universe. New edition, Watkins

[13] www.eisenhower.me

[14] www.jimcollins.com

[15] Tamashiro, T (2019) How To Ikigai. 1st edition, Mango

[16] www.viacharacter.org; www.gallupstrenthscenter.com; www.strengthsprofile.com

[17]Schein, E and Van Maanen, J (2013), Career Anchors: Self Assessment. 4th edition, Wiley. Schein, E and Van Maanen, J (2013), Career Anchors Participant Workbook. 4th edition, Wiley

[18] www.hoganassessments.com

[19] Cable, D (2020) Exceptional: Build Your Personal Highlight Reel and Unlock Your Potential. 1st edition, Chronicle Books

[20] www.insights.com; www.myersbriggs.com

[21] Rogers, J (2016) Coaching Skills, The definitive guide to being a coach, 4th edition, McGraw-Hill Education Open University Press

Bibliography

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Books

Peltier, B (2010) The Psychology of Executive Coaching Theory and Application. 2nd edition, Routledge Holliday, R (2019) Stillness is the Key An Ancient Strategy for Modern Life. 1st edition, Profile Books Rogers, J (2016) Coaching Skills, The definitive guide to being a coach. 4th edition, McGrawHill Open University Press Buzan, T (2018) Mind Map Mastery The Complete Guide to Learning and Using the Most Powerful Thinking Tool in the Universe. New edition, Watkins Tamashiro, T (2019) How To Ikigai. 1st edition, Mango Schein, E and Van Maanen, J (2013), Career Anchors: Self Assessment. 4th edition, Wiley Schein, E and Van Maanen, J (2013), Career Anchors Participant Workbook. 4th edition, Wiley Cable, D (2020) Exceptional: Build Your Personal Highlight Reel and Unlock Your Potential. 1st edition, Chronicle Books

Internet Sources

www.myersbriggs.org www.birkman.com www.mentalhealth.org.uk www.MIND.org.uk www.eisenhower.me www.jimcollins.com www.viacharacter.org www.gallupstrengthscenter.com www.strengthsprofile.com www.hoganassessments.com www.insights.com